Culmination (I'M BACK AGAIN)

I couldn't be more disgusted with how things are
I'm standing in the midst of chaos, the world falling to its knees
Once more, I'm standing in the street, looking up at the sky, staring down at my feet.
This is all wrong.
I couldn't be more upset with what I've been given.
The forced debt of my father's debaucheries
When I was too young to stand, they crushed me, and kept me on my knees.
Once again, imprisoned in my street, reaching for the sky, held to the pavement by my feet
This is life
I'm not prepared for this fight
This fight to survive, its not just in my head, or for my body
Its not even to prosper, its not even just for me
Its for her. My heart, my soul, to carry her above this
I want her to keep those hopeful wings extended, the wings that make her so alive
Once more, so she could soar throughout the sky, with the wind tickling her feet
This is my dream
I can't stop the clock from ticking
Ticking away what little time I have left to push through the shit
The shit left on the street, the shit tainting the sky, the shit I breathe in
How many must I kill to reach the comfort of success?
Once again, how many heads must I step on, how many must I betray, and bring to their knees
Just to rise from the this street I stand in?
Just to rise from failure. What must I do?
This is my question, and I want out
Because I couldn't be more disgusted with how things are.

Musical Recommendation: "Tiny Universes" by Jesu.

Real Estate In An Imaginary Place

For every breath that I released
That you did not return with your own
For every precious little seed
That in burning bridges I had sown
For the rope around your ankle
That I tied tightly around my neck
To safely ensure that all your travels
I could warily scrutinize and inspect
For all I saw in you that I held so dear
That of me you threw out your window
I'm done with
I'm done for

Amen.

MUSICAL RECOMMENDATION:

"Funeral" by Band Of Horses

You hope for everything, but really there's nothing

If climate shift is happening anywhere, its inside my head.


Shifting from emotion to emotion is something I've found myself doing more of lately. The waves of change are once again coming through, and the sand castles I have built aren't just left as ruins; they're completely gone. My reaction is different than from years past, however. I can't even decide for myself what I want to feel, its just a smorgasbord of bi-polarity. One second I'm floating in thoughts of the past, and the next I'm trying to look ahead, and deny sympathy for any destruction I might bring/have brought. I can see myself on the other side, match in hand, ready to light up the bridge I just crossed, even though I'm in my swim trunks, fully prepared to swim back across if need be.


I care too much about people.


I don't care enough about people.


See my hand? It is outstretched, waiting for someone to grab it and pull me from the relentless grasp of the undertow.


Musical Recommendation:

"Recursion/I Won't Come Back Alive", by Genghis Tron.

To be amature...

So blogging is new to me, and i pretty much was inspired by landon. He is an amazing writer and I'm not sure if I can live up to his standards. I'm trying to think more in depth and analyze things like him and yet i can not get to the point he is yet. Language is a beautiful thing and when used as metaphors and eloquently it can portray a thousand ideas flawlessly. I guess I should introduce myself, I am Marah Rose...the last name, well thats too amazing to utter. My thoughts are really set on God right now, I am trying to get to know him on a closer level, but who isn't. Every morning i have started to spend time with the Lord for about 20 min in my car before school. School is a whirlpool of both lost and worldly people. Very few can I talk to on a deep level, and many of them I try to get to kno. People are amazing creatures, they are so lost and yet can't find what they are looking for. On that note i think I am going to be done and go ponder on what I have just said, for this is all off the cuff and not so interesting. Until Later, Marah Rose

Happy Politically Correct Phrase!

Aah, Christmas time is here. The joyful rush of the winter season is finally upon us once again, and there's not a moment to lose! Shopping, Christmas tree, shopping, Christmas parties, shopping, Christmas lights, shopping, gift exchanges, and of course, shopping!

In less than two weeks it will all come on the morning of the 25th of 2007's December, and then, with one last stroke of the clock, it will all be over. I don't mean to be depressing, but I am a very observant person, not just of other people, but of the world around. Sure, I love Christmas as much as the next guy; I still can't get myself to sleep on the night of Christmas Eve, despite being of the age when sleeping sounds better than 99.9% of all other available activites. But I often feel that all my excitement over what wonderful surprises may be hidden inside the beautifully wrapped packages under the tree is so unnecessary, its so excessively wasteful. In Christmas' of late, i've found that all the joy of the "Christmas spirit" vanishes the next day, when I discovered that my "Christmas spirit" wasn't that for much at all, it was only the "Getting spirit".

And this is something I've taken notice to that lately. What lies in simply wanting to get stuff? It's like my little cousin, who on so many a Christmas seems little concerned about anyone else but himself in regards to who gets presents, when they get them, and how many they get. Of course, who can blame him? The poor boy is only a small child. But what made him think this way? Surely not his loving, respectable parents! Why, they have raised in ways so contrary to that of his Christmas behavior! They have only sought to raise him up to be a kind gentleman, loving the Lord and selflessly giving to others with a servant's heart. Who is to blame? Is it television, with its rapid-fire advertisements of all the great things available for possible possession this year? Is it other little kids, none so fortunate to have better parents? Parents who satisfy all the needs of their children by showering them with petty, useless items?

I would say both. And you might think I am knocking on presents. I am most certainly not. What I am doing is pointing out the attitude with which we place on gifts. Our joy should not be in getting the gifts but giving the gifts. The Bible says it is greater to give than to receive. Perhaps that was my problem, riding home in the car on Christmas night, feeling miserable despite the many ludicrously expensive items surrounding me. I had received, and yet I still hungered for more. I was not satisfied, though my list might have been. So this year, although I did ask for things, it was a smaller list. That way the joy can be in the surprise. And the joy for the giver can be in seeing the shocked look on my face. I realize that i've been rambling for a long time, but that's what I always seem to do. So there you go. Time to set up Christmas decorations. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Dasvedanya,

Landon

MUSICAL RECOMMENDATION:

"We Have A Map Of The Piano" by mum.

Why Am I Here? (Formerly from Blog.com, 12.03.2007)

A two-faced question to be sure. Perhaps, more than two. Regardless, it's one i've dwelled on recently, and since recently does apply to two minutes ago, i'm not lying. The first general thing this is applicable to is why exactly am I on this blog space, typing out whatever muddled jargin pops into my head milliseconds before I type it? I have several answers, or responses to myself that could be possible solutions.

The first thing that actually crossed my mind as I typed in the dumb code to prove you're not a spammer was that I was unjustly ripping off someone else's honest way of presenting their thoughts on paper, er...web page. If she even dares read this, which is yet so comical in its mere conception that I might fall out of my chair, she might think so. And if you are indeed that person, whose initials are T.W. and you share Algebra II/Trigonometry with me second period, then do accept my apology in accordance with what might actually be nothing more than a flagrant rip-off of real good writing. I don't apologize, however, if I sound like you. In that case it just might be so that we have more in common than you---even more so I---could have imagined. Other parts of me just say that, well, I just have a lot to say. And, given the nature of having a lot to say, one has got to do what one has got to do: say it!

I don't know, perhaps I shouldn't be so bottled up in public. Anyone reading who knows me might think I am joking by my "bottled up" statement, for they know me as a very loud person, but I must say, just because one is loud does not mean they don't hold back what they really want to say. And that applies to me, I think. It's probably a bad thing, for there are only about four or five people I really spill my mind to, and its never all five of them at once. I always unwind when around one (1) person I trust my life with, which ought to make you wonder why I am doing similar here. Well, I wondered, if it makes any difference to you, Senor Internet.

I really don't know, but until I either am in a state of unseparability with a trusted companion or I just resolve to be less likened to a clam, I will continue to gamble with the integrity of the world wide web. Which is a risky move, but one I am willing to take. Or rather, unwilling to not take. Or something.

Gosh I am exhausted. There's your introduction, have fun. I'll write whenever I have something to say, so keep your compy close.

Or mac.

Or whatever.



And that's if you even care.

Dasvedanya,

Landon



MUSICAL RECOMMENDATION:

"Prequel To The Sequel" by Between The Buried & Me